Pages

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Attempting To Be In The NOW



I have been out of the blogging world for awhile now, I haven’t written anything for more than a week. I wouldn’t call it “writer’s block” but more of a preoccupation that is keeping me away. I am reading “The Power of NOW” by Eckhart Tolle. I am sure many of you have read this book but this is my second attempt at reading it. It was gifted to me more than three years ago but somehow after the first few pages I lost interest in it and the book remained an adornment in my colorful shelf until now. I suppose the time had come for me to take it up again and start reading. It has a lot to teach me. The book is all about what the title says “The Power of NOW”, to live in the “Now”, a not so simple task and yet not impossible. To achieve that we need to become a witness to our thoughts especially the irrelevant and negative ones that always takes over our mind and we begin to identify with those thoughts. Thinking then becomes a disease.

Of late I have noticed that my thoughts tend to dwell more and more on a sadness that I cannot pinpoint. And I seem to enjoy it despite the pain. It is almost like an addiction. Sad and painful thoughts, the negative emotions are all that I indulge in. I am afraid of happy thoughts because I feel that if I start doing that I will no longer be the “Queen of Tragedy”, thriving on pain. Feeding on the agony of a past and worrying about a future which is an illusion are all that I do. My days are miserable; I often lock myself in my room and cry for no reason. I guess I am on the threshold of a major depression. But like I said the time had come to do something about it. I took up this book just by accident or was it an accident? I am an avid reader and at that point this was the only book I hadn’t read so I started it. And this time I am glued to it.

“Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don’t realize this because almost everybody is suffering from it, so it is considered normal. This incessant noise prevents you from finding that realm of inner stillness that is inseparable from Being. It also creates a false mind- made self that casts a shadow of fear and suffering.”

I began to take pride that I was analyzing everything including love. I remember reading some excerpts of Shri Shri Shri Ravi Shankar where he says, “Do not analyze love because the moment you do, you doubt love”. I was giving too much importance to my thinking mostly negative ones and they were riding on my back all day and night. Yet like everyone else I want peace and happiness. But how can I when I have become the slave of my thoughts? So I began this simple exercise where I am conscious of my thoughts but I am just the observer, a witness. It’s not easy because we are so used to our thoughts taking us over that even those few seconds of just being a witness to my thoughts took an effort. But I am sure I will get there somewhere when I can watch my thoughts and be amused. Every time I achieve a little I get a glimpse of that bliss, of the joy that is within me that cannot be touched by any outside influence.

The other exercise that Tolle says is to be aware of your present, to be fully conscious of our “now”. That is why the journey is more important than the destination, to notice the beauty around us, to take time to smell the flowers, as Debra in one of her posts wrote http://debrasblogpureandsimple.blogspot.com. Are we more interested in the journey or the destination? We are usually so wrapped up in our anxiousness to reach our destination that we miss out the beauty of the journey. I hadn’t noticed this simple truth until I read it. Only the Now exists,” Nothing ever happened in the past, it happened in the Now, nothing will happen in the future, it will happen in the Now. What you think of as the past is a memory trace, stored in the mind, of a former Now. When you remember the past, you reactivate a memory trace – and you do so now. The future is an imagined Now, a projection of the mind. When the future comes, it comes as the Now. When you think about the future, you do it now. Past and future obviously have no reality of their own.” And here I was thinking and dreaming of a future, depending on circumstances to be right or the right person to come into my life to make my future more fulfilling. Even as I write these words, every word that is written happened in my Now and has already become a past. It is amazing, when you ponder on this truth, so simple and yet so profound. So these days I try and not dwell on the past unless it is very necessary to do so and that too only the positive ones. The moment sadness tries to seep in  I make myself conscious of them and  tell myself that this is all the past even if that past just happened a few seconds ago. But it is tough; I am so used to feeling sorry for myself that it takes a lot of effort. I have a long way to go but it is a step nevertheless. I am much more at ease these days; I can sense a different kind happiness in me which wasn’t there before. I haven’t yet finished the book but it has already transformed me in many ways.

I don’t know if I can ever write the kind of poems that I have written so far. They are dark and sad poems. Maybe someday when I am more in control of my negative energy I will write like that just to express a thought or emotion but till then I think I have no words. My dear friend,  Sulekha Rawatmy Outlier would always tell me to think happy thoughts and write about them but I have been unable to do so. Perhaps someday…. till then folks, let me concentrate on the NOW! But on a serious note those of you who haven’t read this book please get a copy and read it. It is worth it.

31 comments:

  1. Good! Live now as now is all you have.

    A

    ReplyDelete
  2. i was reading how you addressed your blogpage, it says, you write when your soul cries... and i'm glad it took a different tone this time... i wasn't so much into the title you've given yourself as "treagedy queen"... in fact, you're worth more than the things that you write...

    i am glad you've stumbled upon this inspiring book which talks of the gift of the present moment...

    i have been missing you for awhile and i embrace you for the person you are right now...

    cultivate that sense of happiness that you've found... you'll see it growing day by day ;)...love you much rimly...i hope they have an e-copy of the book :P...

    ReplyDelete
  3. How true AJ but quite tough at times

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mellisa thank you as always for your comments. I know that title sounds pretty demeaning. But I got stuck with it because people started calling me that. It is not a nice thing but in my own perverted way I enjoyed it. But this book is something. I am sure they will have an e-copy of this book. Love you for always being honest with your comments. it is like a breath of fresh air.

    ReplyDelete
  5. so true .....Its the NOW that IS . Regarding picking up the book i really believe it happens when its meant to be....like i remember being drawn to a book and picking it up in the end at a bookshop though i had no plan to , in it i found a poem (with the poet's name) which all a long a friend led me to believe was his creation !!! i was shocked at the same time amazed at how the unknown had worked to prevent me from being duped !!!!! It all happens in accordance to a plan ..there are no coincidences ..... Loved your post Rimly and wish you luck in your journey ....
    Frane

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you Frane. You are so right. There are no coincidences in life.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The book is still an adornment in my shelf. I have to start reading it. Thank you Rims.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank u for sharing this with us..and remember,you have no negative energy..you always have love for all..I want you to have all the happiness in this world Rimly.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Beautiful post, My dear friend...am so happy for you and want to read this miracle book, it got you out of the sad zone into a happy one. I have always said that write all kinds of stuff so that your heart remains balanced and stable. No too high peaks and no too low slumps, comfortably happy-sad. Loved your post my Outlier and am so proud of your accomplishment.Thanks for the mention, like being in your blog :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sometimes, it is easier for one to live in the past, avoiding the 'now'; to get caught up in our memories of what it was and not what it is 'now'. I am happy that you have found an inspirational book to read. It sounds like a book that more people should invest in reading:)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hang on...Baby steps...know you are not alone....As always...XOXOXOXO

    ReplyDelete
  12. "NOW" i have to read this book. if you think about it, we have known all along that is the present, the NOW that shapes our future. our past is filled with myriad experiences, good, bad and ugly and its about reliving the good moments to create a meaningful NOW, instead of getting bogged down by the ugly moments of the past and allowing them to influence the present in the most debilitating manner.
    we all know this but like you said, its tough, its easier said that done. But I am proud of you, sister, for taking this step and making a promise to yourself to stay positive going forward.
    rimjhim

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Suparna you must read the book my friend.
    @Alpana you have nothing but good things to say. I wish you all the happiness too dear friend.
    @Sulekha, my Outlier you have always cheered me up with your positive energy and optimism. Thank you for being there for me
    @Mary yes it is often to wallow in sadness of your past than to stand up and become aware of our present. It is a great book
    @Bonnie thank you. Yes baby steps, one moment at a time. Thank you my friend
    @Rimjhim my sis I do intend to keep trying to live in the NOW. Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  14. Now, this moment is what counts. Tomorrow is another day why worry about that.....
    Being present and aware of what your actions and thoughts do in the now is an interesting journey

    ReplyDelete
  15. Such profound words of wisdom, Rimly! I am like you in so many ways and somehow love dwelling in the past. I thrive in pain!!! Your piece is an eye opener. I seriously need to do something - get a grip of my life which I see is fast slipping away right under my nose!!! Got to start from somewhere!! As of Now I am thinking of Happy Thoughts and I am smiling:)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thats the spirit,Rimly.I am glad that you are thinking this way.A small suggestion to you my sister if you are in Guwahati,you're lucky enough to be in God's own garden,The Brahmaputra,Nilachal,Umananda and many around.Nature showered all her treasures upon your place.Enjoy them,see them through your rediscovered mind and eyes,forget about writing any.Suddenly you may find they has come to the tip of your pen,like the flooded Burrahhlui.BTW a very very good post,liked the spirit you shown.
    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  17. Rimly - I finally caught up with your blog and read almost every post - so riveting. I see that you're rising like a phoenix and I'm so glad that you are. I look forward to reading more of your writing and getting to know you.
    ~ Hugs.....

    ReplyDelete
  18. Why do i feel that u may have been inluenced by Emily Dickenson's poetry?? There are so many ways up the mountain but the view from the top is the same. Live every moment and enjoy the journey. Cheers. Parag

    ReplyDelete
  19. Rimly, did you read Eckhard Tolle’s book, The New Earth? Your phrase, “The Queen of Tragedy” reminds me of his term, “pain body” in The New Earth.
    We all experience that incessant stream of thoughts that march through the mind like an endless parade. Meditation and centering prayer have helped me immensely – the practice of “letting go.”
    How true that we can’t dwell in the past, for it has slipped away like a sunset. Nor should we fret or worry about a future that is beyond the realm of our control.
    But writing down your pain can be cathartic and therapeutic. Think of it as a ritual of release... a paper boat floating downstream.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm a believer in balance of sadness and happiness, one must experience bleakness to fully appreciate happiness. This period of darkness will fuel your passion in life. I hope you arrive at your intended destination soon. Best wishes!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Rimly I would not be so big of myself to tell you how to get happy and how to make yourself well but I will say ask for help and you usually get it. I am not talking spiritually , I mean ask people to help. You would be surprised how many will. The problem is you will need to want it. Change how you think of yourself. I used to say that I had no luck. Then I realized that I was healthy and in a great marriage I have been lucky. I changed my thinking about myself. I feel better. Change the title to When My Soul Sings. It is a start!

    ReplyDelete
  22. It's an interesting book and when I read it, it gave me lots to think about. Excellent ideas in your post.

    Regards, Mari

    http://www.mariscamera.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  23. Heard so much about the book, will definitely read it now...And look forward to happy poetry from you now Rimly :) lovely post!

    ReplyDelete
  24. @YogaSavy I am sure you are doing that all the time, living in the now and mediation and yoga does help so much. I used to do regular yoga but somewhere down the line I lost it. Must start again.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Eva for years I took pride in wallowing in sadness. It is like addiction but I am slowly trying to get out of it and believe me it is a different kind of joy you experience some thing that cannot be touched, it is your only.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Thank you Nirupam for the suggestion. I have wanting to revisit some of the places you suggested including Kamakhya.

    ReplyDelete
  27. @Corrine it's great to see you here in my blog. I love every post of "Everyday Gyaan". Thank you so much for appreciating my writing. Would love to get to know you too.
    @Parag thank you again for your comment. Emily Dickinson influencing me? I dont know about that. But thank you.
    @Debra no I haven't read his latest book but I intend to get it. The pain body is also referred to in tis first book of Tolle. Thank you for your lovely comment.
    @David I too think there should be a balance in life. I have always believed that we ought to experience sadness to value happiness. Thank you for your comment.
    @Jim thank you for your valuable comment as always. I am getting there to change the title to When my soul sings till then it will be a poem I penned today. Do read and comment.
    @Mari thank you. I am sure you too have put into practice, to live on the NOW, where else can we get to see such beauty in your pictures.
    @Swati you must read it. Its worth it. Thank you my friend for always encouraging and appreciating my writings

    ReplyDelete
  28. I have such a huge list of worthwhile recommended reads from you Rimly - I must act on it now and actually get some of those - funny how I thought of saying that on this post.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Here's a popular quote attributed to Edwin C. Bliss: "Yesterday is a canceled check: Forget it. Tomorrow is a promissory note: Don't count on it. Today is ready cash: Use it!" This seems to be where you need to be right now. As you said, one day you may be able to put you past into perspective. When you are able to do that, you will gain even more wisdom. <3

    ReplyDelete
  30. @Kriti maybe it is time for you to pick up one such book and read it :))) Thank you goddess, looking forward to seeing you back in Iidia

    ReplyDelete
  31. Sweepy I have heard that popular quote but never truly paid attention to it till now. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete