BREAKING…
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| Photo: Google Images |
It wobbles…
Once steadfast
Now falling apart
On the brink of breaking…
The sound of cracking
Reverberates in her soul,
Memories of its careful
Nurturing haunting her
A vain attempt…
Angry blood gushes
Filling her senses…
She can almost
Taste its bitter vileness,
Its poison coursing
Through every vein and pore,
Putrid and dark…
Impaling and deadening…
A stake through her soul
She watches…
Turning cold and numb
She waits …
For the onslaught to end
Out of control…
The silence of dying
Mocks…
Its yawning jaws
Snapping her,
As it engulfs her
In its hellish fury…
She claws and scratches
Searching for the pieces
Of her lost heart…
Rot and decay
Slip through her desperate fingers
She slumps amidst
The ravaging inferno...
Eyes hollow
Listless...
Listless...
Her heart dead
Lost forever…
Lost forever…
A beautiful,sad and haunting poem Rimly! I read it twice and each time I liked it more :) Well done!
ReplyDeleteNelmitravel
Nelieta, this was a very dark poem. I tried to visualize a broken heart. Thank you so much for reading it
DeleteThis one gave me goosebumps as I read it for the 3rd time Rimly....very powerful!
ReplyDeleteIt gave me goosebumps too as I wrote it, in fact it gave me a lump in my heart. I am imagining this is how it feels like to have your heart break. Thank you so much for reading and commenting
DeleteDear Rimly,
ReplyDeleteafter reading this poem I shut down the computer,switched off my study's light, drew down the window curtains and sat in silence, afraid of my own breathing, lest it may break your poem's spell! Before my closed eyes came an image of a helpless English girl from medieval time who is burnt alive on a stake for the 'crime' of love and yet suffers it silently just looking askance at her lover who is watching her ordial as any other spectator. i don't know why this perticular image came to my mind, but , yes, your poem will haunt me for some more days. I am so lucky to have come to know a extremely sensitive and talented soul like you through FB. You have got what great 'Shayars' have in their heart-'DARD'! that wonderful Urdu word can not be translated in any other language.
Please pardon me for this lengthy comment.
-Poet Desh
Dear Poet Desh, I am honored to know that you felt this way reading this poem. Thank you so much for your wonderful comment.
DeleteRimly, Your poem went through my heart like a burning arrow, leaving ashes in its wake. The tragedy and helplessness of a wounded and lonely heart had me trembling with emotions.A true piece of art, my dear Outlier...
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear Outlier
DeleteRimly, your words went through my heart like a burning arrow leaving ash in its wake. The tragic, lonely heart's cry is still echoing in my ears. A beautiful work of art, outlier,loved it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for always sharing and appreciating my poems, Sulekha
DeleteRimly,you have totally shaken me with this one. For a few minutes you made me feel as though I was the one here.Love hurts. I say that because I know,but not to end up like this.
ReplyDelete“A broken heart bleeds tears.” ― Steve Maraboli.....and your words show them truly.
Alpana, imagine a heart that is broken and you can literally feel the physical pain. That's what I tried to imagine when I wrote this.
DeleteYour imagery and the mood created in this poem is unsurpassed, Rimly. I was swept up and away by your words. So, so powerful!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, my friend!
Thank you so much Martha. I really appreciate your comments
DeleteWow...This was very descriptive. A raw glimpse into the suffering of a broken heart.
ReplyDeleteYes it is a raw uncensored glimpse into a broken heart Jessica. Thank you so much for commenting
DeleteThis is very touching and poignant.
ReplyDeleteThank you Janu.
Deletehaunting indeed!
ReplyDeleteSandra really nice to see you here in Journey. Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my poem
DeleteHeart wrenching.. i felt my heart sink.No it cried, do not let her be lost forever. Give her one more spin on the red brick floor of passion.
ReplyDeleteBrenda, people like you and me will always keep taking that spin on the red brick floor of passion but I wonder for some. But one can never give up hope.
DeleteMoving and poke my heart
ReplyDeleteThank you Fher. I am glad that I can touch people with my poetry
DeleteYou really know how to do it Rimly! You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Kriti
Deleteyou are talented. you employ very strong imagery in your poems, without constraining the reader to a certain idea or scene, and that's what i like the most in poetry--the freedom of interpretation (it's art put on verses)
ReplyDeleteIrina thank you so much for your wonderful comment. I admit my imagery is very strong so much so that sometimes people find it very dark and raw.
DeleteExtremely intense Rimly... I am certain about what inspired you to write this, but the protagonist and her pain painted in words by you showcases utmost sense of imagination. But the question remains is it only just imagination? All said and done... I loved the way you expressed the grief of your character.
ReplyDeleteVijay, it is part imagination and part real. After all I can only write when I feel it in my heart. We all talk about heart break but I tried to imagine what it would be like if it was literally breaking physically. Thank you so much my friend for your insightful comment.
Deleteoh heck...the heart is fragile and breaks easily if we're not careful... heavy with emotions..hope she finds a way to save her heart...
ReplyDeleteThank you Claudia, for your comment
DeleteReally strong imagery..a really heart rendering poem!
ReplyDeleteThank you Arcane
Deleterimly: powerful stuff. i loved poet desh's comment above which enhanced my experience of your creative work even more. you attract what you are, thoughtful, sensitive, deep...truly beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Linda for this wonderful comment. I feel the same about you and your creative writing. <3
DeleteOh Rimly, this filled me with so much pain and agony. To be able to put this experience into words that actually draw the reader to 'feel' your words is an incredible talent! Keep putting your 'pen to paper', so to speak. I always love what I read ♥♥♥
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Mary. I am glad it touched you. I was trying to visualize what it felt like to be physically in pain with a broken heart
DeleteStrong, harsh, but so very powerful!
ReplyDeleteThank you Corinne. I know it was a very harsh poem
DeleteYou really captured the anguish and pain that goes with a broken heart. This is beautifully written. It brought back some old, old memories.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Myrna for your comment
DeleteYou have a wonderful way of taking a feeling and combing it to its very depths. Powerful write, Rimly!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Adriene for your lovely compliment
DeleteThat was a power packed haunting poem, Rimly and felt good to read you after a break:)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Rahul Great to see you here after so long.
DeleteWOW!!! This is heartbreaking beautiful. I felt like you reached into my soul, pulled this out, and put it into words. Your poetry is breathtaking and so real.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lisa. I am glad it touched you.
DeleteHey Rimly.. what a beautiful poem.. so real and vivid.. you can feel the pain while reading.. brilliant piece of writing..
ReplyDeleteThank you Deepak. I tried to visualize a broken heart and the physical pain.
DeleteOH DEAR...so painful. I could feel the pain of not trusting in love anymore....That's death indeed. SO AWESOME poetic expression...Loved
ReplyDeleteIt is a painful poem and dark. I tried to imagine a heart physically broken and came up with this poem. But I can never give up on love, nobody should, Jerly. Thank you so much for your comments
DeleteQuite a large span of time has passed since you and I last visited one another. Your poem spoke to me of my past where I walked a path of abuse. As I read it, it addressed that stage where we are trapped, despairing of any positive ending being possible. I remember those days, how it felt, the constant existing on a knife's edge of uncertainty, never being able to do/say/think/feel the "right" thing to keep peace. I see that you envisioned a different message and perspective when you wrote it, but that was the message I drew as I read it.
ReplyDeleteShifting my perspective to that of a broken heart and reading through the poem again, I see that story unfolding. A while back, I wrote a poem called "Silence is waiting" that travels a similar path. When love is lost, there is a level of spiritual insanity that takes hold of us and lingers.
Powerfully written, dear one. Thank you for sharing with us.
- Dawn
Thank you Dawn for your insightful comment. I know what you felt while reading this poem. I went through the same path like you. My heart has been broken many times and I know the feeling. I tried to visualize through this poem a broken and bleeding heart literally in the physical sense. I am sure if we could see our heart when it is broken it will look and feel somewhat like that.
DeleteIt could be a scary feeling... something I wouldn't want to 'feel' at all...
ReplyDeleteIt is a scary feeling soul sis. Imagine the heart literally cracking and bleeding. That's what I tried to visualize when I wrote this poem. Nobody should go through that kind of heart break
DeleteRimly,there was a time when I didn't think death was scary but that was many years ago. Now that I'm older, and hopefully wiser, I admit that the thought of death does create anxiety in me. It also pains me to think of my elderly mother and my father's passing. I think these situations make death all that much more frightening. This poem evokes pain, fear, and sorrow. I would imagine it's what some of us will feel when then time comes. Chilling and effective imagery, my friend. Wishing you the best for 2013. Roxy and I send you hugs! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much , my friend for your thoughts on this dark poem
ReplyDeleteYou spoke my heart
ReplyDeleteYes Fiona, I am sure a lot of people feel that way when there heart breaks. Thank you for your comment
DeleteHi Rimly! Checking back to see if you had posted. I send hugs your way and wish you a happy day! :)
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs back, Bella. Havent posted in awhile.
DeleteWOW! Such deep, inner pain... one in which, I wish we never had to experience. Heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteI know Lisa, nobody should have to experience heart break but it is inevitable.
DeleteHi Rimley -
ReplyDeleteWowww, so heartbreaking...a painful expression here: " Its poison coursing...Through every vein and pore, Putrid and dark…Impaling and deadening…A stake through her soul." I like it, Rimley. :)
Hi Charlie, long time since I heard from you. Thank you my friend for your comment. Hope you are doing well
DeleteHi Rimley -
ReplyDeleteWowww, so heartbreaking...a painful expression here: " Its poison coursing...Through every vein and pore, Putrid and dark…Impaling and deadening…A stake through her soul." I like it, Rimley. :)
Thanks a ton Charlie
DeleteVisiting your blog after a long time and what a poem to have read !! You are just too good with your words, Rimly!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Eva
Delete