Monday, February 28, 2011

My Son…My Blessing

It is said that we do not choose our parents, that a soul has no choice in choosing its family. But there is also another theory that says souls ready to come back to earth choose their parents and a particular family to learn from them and also to teach them. I tend to believe in the latter. I believe my son chose me to be his mother, knowing full well that it would be a tough ride and yet he and I would form an incredible bond of love and understanding. I never planned on having him but he happened to me…

The journey of my life has been laden with strife, pain, heartbreak and abuse. People have come and gone in my life leaving me broken and shattered. Through all this my bundle of joy has been my constant factor. He is the reason for my sanity. I shudder to think of my life had my son not been with me. He is my source of joy, pride, strength and awe. Awe and bewilderment because despite all that he has been through in his tender age, he has turned out to be a smart, intelligent, mature, reasonable and above all a kind, gentle and sensitive kid.

Ron was barely three when one day his father and I were having an argument and he overheard me saying that I was leaving. He came up to me and said “Mummy please take me with you” and I finally did leave with my baby. And so started a road to hell for the two of us that was to last for many years.

There are some men in this world who are so insecure that they have no qualms about competing with a child for the woman’s attention. When I look back I often wonder…did I do something wrong to make them feel that way? I don’t think so. The love of a mother for her child is something so pure and beautiful that it cannot be compared to any other love. And I think some men are incapable of understanding that and that’s what makes them mean, cruel and ugly. They will do and say hurtful things to shake your confidence, to undermine your love for your child. In the process Ron suffered as much as me, in fact much more. He was innocent and defenseless.

My innocent one had to grow up fast. Life was unpredictable, it felt like you were walking on eggs shells, didn’t know when violence, or abuse would strike. Except for me, there was nothing he could call family. His extended family became his friends. Today he has friends everywhere, and they keep in touch no matter what the distance. He loved the time spent with his friends. However underlying his happy times with his friends, his concern for me and his love for me remained. Wherever he was he kept in touch with me. “Mom I will be late”; “I’m home in 5 minutes”; “Mom are you okay?” are some of the many texts he would send me just to make sure I didn’t worry. He does that even today. Before any sleepovers at his friends’ he would make sure I was comfortable, he would go to the lending library to borrow a movie so that while he is gone I am not alone. M y son had become responsible.
Years of unhappiness, abuse and dealing with an alcoholic had taken its toll on me. I was a mere shadow of what I was once. Ron watched me day in and day out trying to cope and save a doomed marriage for a second time…till one day he told me “Mom I’m old now and you don’t have to take care of me all the time. It’s time you give something back to the world, you are so talented. Get a job”. He was 13. My self esteem had taken a real beating, I had to pick up the pieces of my shattered self and take the first tentative step to go out once again into the world outside home. I landed myself a job and my life turned around after that. I became more confident, more assertive and fiercer when it came to protecting my Ron. Our relationship also reached a higher level.

 Today I can talk to my son about everything. We share so much. We cry together as well as laugh till we think we will die laughing, we argue, we sulk, and yet both have no ego when it comes to apologizing to each other. My son actually was instrumental in giving me a new life.

There is a saying “A loved is not the person who understands your happiness but is the person who can guess your sadness before your eyes feel”. Ron is that person. He can read every expression on my face. He senses my tears even before they are shed and I am humbled every time he consoles me. Where did all that wisdom come from? Only god is responsible for that! I have often watched him sleep and wept my heart out. Guilt for having put him through so much and so young! Pain for being the cause of his suffering. Once I had apologized to him, “Baby I am so sorry I have put you through so much in life and all because of my choices. You were helpless; you had no choice but to suffer with me.” To which he replied “Your choice was always mine. I wouldn't want to be anywhere but with you”. I wept.

I can go on and on. Today is a world of text messaging where we communicate so much through text. My son is no exception, like any other kid he is always texting. I have saved some of his sent to me and will cherish them till the end.
(i)                 “I got my award” – he had gone alone to his school in Goa from Guwahati to get his award for being the topper in his 10th board exam. One of my proudest moments when I received that.
(ii)               “Chill out…go have a smoke…you earned one…and don’t worry… if I ever leave…I’m leaving with you” – this was last year after we moved back to stay with my mom. All that Ron knew of his life and friends in Goa, I uprooted. It was a very difficult time for him, adjusting. He would often take off on his own and I would tear my hair out worrying that he would do something rash. That text was his response to my “worried” one that I sent
(iii)             “You rock! Thank you for being so bloody darn awesome!”
(iv)             “Love you, Ma”

And many, many, more….
Ron will be  seventeen soon and I wish him all the happiness that he so deserves. He is the blessing that god had destined for me in my otherwise miserable life. This is a tribute to him. I wish all mothers have a son like him. I love you my son, my blessing.


  1. really like reading about you and your son!

    K :-)

  2. May God bless you and your son always with his best offerings Rimly........say Hi to Ron :D

  3. Great One... :) May God bless you both :)

  4. Women are strong, we are made to endure lifes toughest challange and still come out smelling like roses. You did what you had to do and your son is a better man having you as a mother. God Bless!

  5. Awesome post and even more awesome relationship Rimly - I wanted to cry just reading this... What a man! His wife is going to be the luckiest in the world ... All my blessings for him and cheers to the priceless love you share : )

  6. It is so wonderful that you have that kind of relationship with your son after all you two have experienced! He sounds like a true blessing:)

  7. Oh,Rimly you are such a beautiful mother,I cried reading every word you wrote about Ron,he seems such a very caring person and why wouldn't he,having such a beautiful mother like you,he is a lucky son and you are a lucky mother.Always take care of one another,ye both deserve some happiness and will..Good night,talk soon x x

  8. What an amazing young man. You are truly blessed.

  9. You are a wonderful writer. It is a pleasure to read, while still evoking the tenderness, the desperation, the gratitude, the hurt, the joy that you have felt. What a blessing our good sons are. I am so happy you have him in your life.

  10. Your son is able to be supportive of you because of your example and the love you gave to him. God bless you both.

  11. Thank you so much everyone for your blessings.
    Thank you Karina, Sumit.
    @Abhisek. I said hi to Ron and he says hi.
    @Angel Eyes I agree about we women, we may look fragile but we are much stronger in spirit.
    @Kriti. Thank you goddess as always. I too hope Ron finds love.
    @Mary, I really feel blessed having him.
    @Breeda. Lovely to see you here in my blog. We haven't spoken in ages but I want you to know Ron and I are much better.
    @Sherry. I often wonder what did I do to have him for a son
    @Ardith. Thank you Ardith. I have been writing for years but it is only now that I have had the courage to come out in public, thanks to friends like Sulekha, Kriti and Alpana. We are indeed blessed to have sons like this.
    @Sweepyjean. Thank you. Sometimes I really feel I didn't do anyhting much to have Ron. But God thought otherwise

  12. It is true what you said about not choosing your parents. He came into your life to help you and make you strong. He is a blessing.

  13. they say that every dark cloud has a silver lining. i have seen the the sun set and the dark clouds have a golden lining and i see that your son has set a golden lining to your heart. tell your story of dark cloud so a son can turn them to gold. you are a wonderful person else you could not write so. god bless

  14. Being a father does not diminish your words. As I too feel there is a reason I have such an awesome daughter who teaches me something every day.

    Beautiful tribute to your son and to you I may add.

    Cheers A

  15. I have a son too and I can't imagine my life without him!

  16. What a wonderful post Rimly,for some reason I had tears in my eyes while reading this. God bless Ron...give him a hug from me...And to you, you incredibly brave woman!!

  17. ReallY TouchinG AuNts. . . : ]
    I Have BeeN Friends With Ron Not Since a loNG time. . but I know he's a real matured, sensitive and helping friend. . He even consoles me when me and Marisha have problems :P

    And don't worry. . you guys are always my family : ]

  18. Blessed are those who have children like your 'Son'. You are assured of a wonderful life ahead, whereas some others can only hope.

  19. you are a wonderful writer,equally wonderful mother. i knew ron during our kochi days,always had confidence in you and ron.deep inside always wanted you to leave that house earlier.good for both of you now.enjoy every moment of your life.

  20. My Outlier, beautiful, doesn't do justice to what you've written!! It's awesome and much it and love you guys too. god bless you both.

  21. Rimly,you made me cry,You both deserve each other,and Ron is fortunate to have someone so wonderful as love and good wishes will always be with you.

  22. @Roy.Thank you for your beautiful words. I do believe that when one door closes another opens for all of us.
    @Aleyandro. I think all fathers of daughters have something to learn from their. Specially sensitivity and respect towards women. I am sure you will learn all of that from your daughter and much much more.
    @Pamela thank you. I too cant imagine life without my son
    @ Swati my gorgeous friend, I think this post touches a chord in us mothers. Will give a huge hug to Ron from you.
    @Udipta, my Ron's great friend. I am so happy that he has a friend in you.
    @Neeraj aka NN enjoyed all the praise from you today when you called. Thank you my friend.
    @ Sukhi you have always been a very kind and helpful person and I love you for your daily encouraging text messages that you send me without fail. Besides Ron who is a blessing, I am blessed to with such good friends.
    @Sulekha my other Outlier thank you always for your encouragement
    @ Alpana thank you. You are a beautiful person too and a mother too and I am sure you are doing a great job with your daughter

  23. Ron & Rimlyba, Very proud of you guys! Keep smiling, always...

  24. How wonderful, Rimly, and a lovely tribute...xoxo

  25. Hi Rimly:
    I contemplated for a few seconds before commenting-unsure if I should. But here I am doing so. how are you? this is rimjhim. I just got added to the ladies club and lassi with lavina group by an FB friend and the first thing I came across was your blog. small world indeed. didnt know you write so well.
    This post about Ron (cant believe he is all of 17 now!) was heartwarming. I almost fought back tears while reading it. i am glad you have each other. Kudos to you, ofcourse for raising such a sensitive, reasonable and compassionate young man despite all odds. I have a small son too now and I hope i can raise and show him the way just as you did for Ron.
    i hope you acknowledge my comment. if you don't i will understand. No hard feelings. keep writing and all the best with everything.

    PS: i write too, mostly about my kids. below is my url if interested:

  26. I believe in the latter too, that we choose are parents.....could'nt stop the tears that welled up, you and your son are so blessed to have each other , wish you and him all that you wish for and more .....

  27. he is a wonderful son and you a wonderful mother. love you both!

  28. I literaly had a few tears!!:P
    No woRRies aunty, we all r there, always!!
    n m tellng u put him up some councelng thingy na..he vl toh rock in dat..fUll oN!:P

  29. What a special relationship u have with your son...I teared up as I read it...I really hope to have the same relationships with my kids one day..they are 12 and 8!!

  30. it touched me in ways you never know... reading this is reading your story rimly and it's only now that i understood most parts of you... you're a very strong woman and i admire you for protecting your son...

    hugs rimly... courage...

  31. Oh Rimly this is such a wonderful story about the love that a Mom has for her son. I don´t have a son and always wished I had one. They say a daughter will leave her Mother but a son never does.

    May this love grow and grow!

  32. Thank you all so much for your beautiful comments